Potential for the zombie apocalypse invites the paranoid to plan

Jeff Rome

Staff Writer

Apocalyptic nerds have reasons to be excited.

Did you know that a chicken once survived for 18 months after having had its head severed? That, within a decade, scientists estimate nanobots, or tiny silicone chips, will be advanced and small enough to rewire thoughts in our brain? Oh, also, it might be worth mentioning that nanobots can still function for up to a month after the death of the host. Is that scary, awesome, or scary-awesome? Or that medical research has labs dedicated to reanimating clinically dead flesh (or, if you insist, “stem cell research”)? In our quest for eternal life, we may find the kind of life we don’t want: we just may find the zombie apocalypse.

How much of a stretch would it be, really, for the zombie apocalypse to catch us by surprise? It may sound ludicrous to have the dead walk the earth, but laugh now and not later, because some are ahead of the game.

Patrick Brennan, a student in Yavapai College’s gunsmithing program, confesses that sometimes he hopes the zombie apocalypse will happen.  “I have a lot of mechanic skills, I’m good at running, I’m good at cutting things with machetes, and I’m a pretty good shot, too,” said Brennan. “So, all around, I’d say the zombie apocalypse will go well.” He believes that those on the move will stand the best chance of survival. “I’m gonna take ‘em out — that’s the plan, at least,” said Brennan as he petted a chihuahua named McMuffin. One worry of his, however, is dog zombies, because “they’d be so fast and sneaky.” His plans include using the zombie apocalypse as a catalyst to become the new leader of North Korea.

    Ashley Hershey, a student at Kansas University who has dressed up as the Pink Power Ranger and the Mad Hatter, has a different strategy. “The more nimble the zombies are, the more imperative it is to be in a remote area,” said Hershey, adding that being in a small team is a must. If hopes for a cure existed, she would hope to cure the zombies, but would otherwise hunker down and “try to form a small enclosed society somewhere rural and live there indefinitely.” She likewise has ambitious plans. Hers include, “start[ing] a society of zombie-killing feminists who can reproduce with one another. Assuming we are capable of researching a cure for the virus we’ll be sure it only works on women, leading to the age of the Amazons.”
Though Prescott’s Off the Grid survival gear store has survival gear that could come in handy for the zombie apocalypse, most people come there with “practical purposes” in mind, according to co-owner, Lee Divelbiss. The shelves are lined with M.R.E.s, gas masks, survival kits, canned food, air-tight containers, water filtration devices and a board of quotes such as, “If you are not paranoid, you are not paying attention.” Coupled with the Hunter’s Outpost next door, Off the Grid, at 1201 Iron Springs Road, may be the best spot to hide when the zombie apocalypse comes to Prescott.
Whether it culminates from science, from a brain parasite or from a virus, it is better to have a zombie plan sooner than later. What will you do, where will you go, when a parade of blank faces, arms outstretched, legs stumbling forward, come groaning down your street? Will you be ready?

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